While every couple is unique, we have identified a variety of common themes that routinely show up in the stories of our clients. In our years of work and relationship experience, we have developed the following three resources:

The Feelings vs Issues Conflict Resolution System

The Reverse Iceberg Behavioral Model

The Emotional Language Categorization Theory

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The feelings vs issues conflict resolution system

Much of the unresolved conflict couples experience can be traced back to the fact that most people, when they argue, are actually trying to have two completely different kinds of arguments at the same time - and they are not compatible. An issues conversation is essentially a debate, a 2-sided conversation wherein the goal is to come to an agreement. A feelings conversation is 1-sided, and the goal is to understand one person's perspective. For more information on the Feelings vs Issues Conflict Resolution System, click here. You can also download the Feelings vs Issues Flowchart and Worksheet by clicking the buttons below.

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The Reverse Iceberg Behavioral Model

When people want to change something about themselves, most will spend their energy on the things that they can see: their feelings and their actions. This makes total sense, as these are the parts of ourselves that most often interact with the world around us, and it's the parts of us that interact with others that we are quickest to notice need change. But it can be hard to make lasting changes to our feelings or behaviors through sheer willpower. The Reverse Iceberg Behavioral Model acknowledges that there's a lot going on under the surface that we can't see, and endeavors to help us make changes there. Click the button to download the worksheet.

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the emotional language categorization theory

There are all different kinds of ways that people conceptualize emotions and their relationship to each other. We'd like to offer this one: there are three different kinds of emotions, or, rather, three different kinds of emotional language. Separating them and understanding the differences is crucial to having clear and effective conversations about how you feel, especially in conflict. The three types of emotional language are primary emotions, secondary emotions, and something that we've called "pseudoemotions." This last one is particularly critical. To find out more about each one, click the button below.